“She Made Me a Mother First” — Samantha Vera Cleland on Loss, Love, and Life with Her Rainbow Baby
Samantha Vera Cleland shares her journey through pregnancy loss, beginning with an early miscarriage that was minimized by others, and continuing into her pregnancy with her daughter Vera — a baby she already saw as her rainbow after loss. In this episode, Sam opens up about the anxiety of pregnancy after loss, the emotional weight of navigating milestones, and how her identity has evolved as both a bereaved mother and a mother to her living son. Her story is an honest reflection on grief, healing, and the complexity of motherhood after loss.
We talk about:
Experiencing early miscarriage and the impact of dismissive language around loss
Why “chemical pregnancy” doesn’t reflect the depth of grief
The anxiety of pregnancy after loss and daily testing for reassurance
Navigating the myth of a “safe zone” in pregnancy
Holding the identity of both a bereaved mother and a present parent
The emotional reality of postpartum after a rainbow baby
Learning to carry grief and gratitude at the same time
The evolving definition of motherhood after loss
Supporting families through baby loss and changing the narrative
Finding moments of connection with both babies — here and not here
This episode is a powerful reminder that grief and beauty can coexist and that even after loss, motherhood continues in so many forms.
Get to Know Lindsay:
Samantha Vera Cleland is a mental health social worker, bereaved mother, and advocate for families navigating pregnancy and infant loss. After the death of her daughter Vera, Sam’s identity shifted in ways she never expected — shaping how she sees motherhood, grief, and healing. Now parenting her living son, she is passionate about changing the narrative around baby loss and supporting other families through their own journeys. She lives with her husband and their beloved pets, finding comfort in connection, family, and the quiet moments at home.
Instagram: @remembering_verarose
